Post by Danielle on Oct 8, 2015 16:06:21 GMT
Dear Danielle:
I read an article on the internet today where a mother was defending her 3 year-old son still using a pacifier and dealing with people commenting on it in public. I am a mother of a two year old and I am trying to get her to stop using it but I am now wondering if I should just let her have it. What should I do?
Trying to be a good parent
Dear Trying;
I, too, read that article and I have to disagree with that parent’s logic. She is saying that her son goes back and forth between being a big boy and a baby and she lets him. She needs to provide him with more clarity than she is in terms of what big boy behaviour is and what baby stuff is. He needs guidance with regard to where and when each is appropriate. He does not need force, but he does need clearer direction than what he is getting. Also, her defense of his choices is a cop out. He is too young to be able to make good choices and that is where he needs her help.
He is having a problem because he needs guidance – like the bed thing – you don’t just let him deal with it, you prepare him and make it a fun transition – diapers to potty to toilet, crib to bed, highchair to table, etc…..
Her job as a parent is to make these transitions as smooth as possible; to reassure him, to provide security. Of course these things are stressful at that age. Mom states that he’s “scared” and that he needs this “lifeline”. That’s fine, but perhaps it is time to transition to a stuffed toy then – especially in public.
Mom also states that he is “sensitive”. Well, having people comment on the fact that he has a pacifier in public isn’t going to help with that and, in fact, may cause other problems. Maybe the deal can be to leave the pacifier at home for those moments when he needs to revert to being a baby and to take a favourite toy out with him. That’s a compromise that should alleviate situations like having the lady in the grocery store pluck it from his mouth and scold you, the parent.
I have said many times that a parent’s job is to prepare their children for life and this is one of those times when it is important to be the parent.
I read an article on the internet today where a mother was defending her 3 year-old son still using a pacifier and dealing with people commenting on it in public. I am a mother of a two year old and I am trying to get her to stop using it but I am now wondering if I should just let her have it. What should I do?
Trying to be a good parent
Dear Trying;
I, too, read that article and I have to disagree with that parent’s logic. She is saying that her son goes back and forth between being a big boy and a baby and she lets him. She needs to provide him with more clarity than she is in terms of what big boy behaviour is and what baby stuff is. He needs guidance with regard to where and when each is appropriate. He does not need force, but he does need clearer direction than what he is getting. Also, her defense of his choices is a cop out. He is too young to be able to make good choices and that is where he needs her help.
He is having a problem because he needs guidance – like the bed thing – you don’t just let him deal with it, you prepare him and make it a fun transition – diapers to potty to toilet, crib to bed, highchair to table, etc…..
Her job as a parent is to make these transitions as smooth as possible; to reassure him, to provide security. Of course these things are stressful at that age. Mom states that he’s “scared” and that he needs this “lifeline”. That’s fine, but perhaps it is time to transition to a stuffed toy then – especially in public.
Mom also states that he is “sensitive”. Well, having people comment on the fact that he has a pacifier in public isn’t going to help with that and, in fact, may cause other problems. Maybe the deal can be to leave the pacifier at home for those moments when he needs to revert to being a baby and to take a favourite toy out with him. That’s a compromise that should alleviate situations like having the lady in the grocery store pluck it from his mouth and scold you, the parent.
I have said many times that a parent’s job is to prepare their children for life and this is one of those times when it is important to be the parent.