Post by Danielle on Oct 8, 2015 16:07:41 GMT
Dear Readers:
This column is going to take another look at spoiled kids. I am often asked about this and I have written about it before, but it seems timely to do so again. Parenting today is different than in the past, we all know that but, there are basic elements to child-rearing that remain constant.
Your kid is spoiled if……………
He/she throws tantrums beyond age 3 – either at home, or in public. Further, if your child ignores you, is rude to you, embarrasses you in public, and you have to bribe or beg to get compliance then, congratulations, you have created a brat.
Years ago I coined the term SBS – Spoiled Brat Syndrome – to define and to describe what I was seeing. A spoiled brat, as I have told many parents and students, is allowed to drive the bus with the rest of the family along for the ride. My question is – why would you let the most inexperienced member of the family; the one with the least amount of knowledge (usually the youngest), be in charge? That is precisely what is happening.
I also ask - why have you abdicated your responsibility as a parent? I have heard every possible response to this question. Your job as parent is to teach your kids everything they will need to know in order to become responsible and fully functioning adults. That should be your goal, and it only happens by being in charge. Easier to give in in the moment turns into a much bigger headache down the road as the lesson the child takes from EACH and EVERY instance is that they got what they wanted, or got out of what they didn’t want. Will they do it again? You betcha they will. Why? Every behaviour has a purpose, and a consequence that serves to build a behavioural repertoire. Think of this as little cells within a bigger circle. A child learns through each instance what works and what doesn’t and will use it in the future.
If your child doesn’t share, is never satisfied and always tries to control others – both children and adults - you should pay close attention. You have a problem. How do you solve it? It takes time, patience and a plan. You may need professional help to make the necessary changes, but you can do it.
This column is going to take another look at spoiled kids. I am often asked about this and I have written about it before, but it seems timely to do so again. Parenting today is different than in the past, we all know that but, there are basic elements to child-rearing that remain constant.
Your kid is spoiled if……………
He/she throws tantrums beyond age 3 – either at home, or in public. Further, if your child ignores you, is rude to you, embarrasses you in public, and you have to bribe or beg to get compliance then, congratulations, you have created a brat.
Years ago I coined the term SBS – Spoiled Brat Syndrome – to define and to describe what I was seeing. A spoiled brat, as I have told many parents and students, is allowed to drive the bus with the rest of the family along for the ride. My question is – why would you let the most inexperienced member of the family; the one with the least amount of knowledge (usually the youngest), be in charge? That is precisely what is happening.
I also ask - why have you abdicated your responsibility as a parent? I have heard every possible response to this question. Your job as parent is to teach your kids everything they will need to know in order to become responsible and fully functioning adults. That should be your goal, and it only happens by being in charge. Easier to give in in the moment turns into a much bigger headache down the road as the lesson the child takes from EACH and EVERY instance is that they got what they wanted, or got out of what they didn’t want. Will they do it again? You betcha they will. Why? Every behaviour has a purpose, and a consequence that serves to build a behavioural repertoire. Think of this as little cells within a bigger circle. A child learns through each instance what works and what doesn’t and will use it in the future.
If your child doesn’t share, is never satisfied and always tries to control others – both children and adults - you should pay close attention. You have a problem. How do you solve it? It takes time, patience and a plan. You may need professional help to make the necessary changes, but you can do it.
